The Shock
I was crushed. I couldn't find words. I just got up and walked out of David's office. I remember getting into my car and screaming as loud as I could. And my steering wheel took a beating. I just sat in the parking lot, not knowing what to do.
I called one of my closest friends. One of the very few people who knew about the ordeal I was going through. No answer. I left the parking lot and headed north. I didn't know where to go or what to do. I just knew I couldn't go home. I ended up driving to Huntsville that night. I longed to be alone in my anger and sorrow, so I just drove and drove. My friend returned my phone call during the drive. Like I said, she knew what we were going through, and she knew my plans for Philly. She provided a listening ear and mutual anger over the situation.
I intentionally stayed out that night until I knew the kids would be asleep. I never heard from Larkin. My trip ended at the Shell gas station near our house. I sat in the parking lot for a long time, just thinking, analyzing, crying, you get the picture. I went home that night, but I don't remember what happened after that. I'm guessing I went straight to bed.
The next morning, I didn't want to get out of bed. I actually longed to be sick so that I would have an excuse to stay in bed. But life moves on. I had thought about going on the trip with a friend, my mom, Larkin's sister, but I just couldn't do it. I knew it would be terrible to be on a trip that I had planned specially for my husband. So the trip was cancelled.
The next weekend, our friends had invited us over for a dinner party. I was looking forward to doing something "normal" as a couple. Somehow, I was still trying to show support for Larkin, trying to show him that I would do anything to recognize how he felt about the last five years and help him move forward. I remember that Saturday being a particularly good day. Springtime was here and we spent a lot of time outside playing with the boys. Mom came over that afternoon to get the kids so that Larkin and I could get ready for the party. I remember heading upstairs to get dressed, but Larkin didn't follow behind. After some time went by, I went downstairs to make sure everything was okay, but I didn't see him. I headed toward our garage and the two of us practically ran into each other, as he was coming in at the same time. Larkin had his phone in his hand, and glanced up at me as if he'd seen a ghost. The look on his face was odd, and for the first time, I felt like he was hiding something from me. We both proceeded back upstairs and Larkin jumped in the shower after laying clothes on the vanity. I brushed my hand over the clothes and felt his phone underneath. I had guilt over what I was about to do, but I was hoping to find that my thoughts had gotten the best of me and that I wouldn't find anything out of the ordinary on his phone. I entered the code and went to his text history. There it was, staring me in the face. Text messages and photos between my husband and another woman.
There I was shaking, sweating, wanting to vomit.
Remember one of the 3 questions that David first asked us: are either of you cheating. We were both quick to say no. There were very few people who knew that Larkin and I were going through a dark time in our marriage, but a few of them asked if I thought Larkin was seeing someone. I was always quick to defend him, "Larkin would never do that". But there was the evidence, staring me in the face.
I called one of my closest friends. One of the very few people who knew about the ordeal I was going through. No answer. I left the parking lot and headed north. I didn't know where to go or what to do. I just knew I couldn't go home. I ended up driving to Huntsville that night. I longed to be alone in my anger and sorrow, so I just drove and drove. My friend returned my phone call during the drive. Like I said, she knew what we were going through, and she knew my plans for Philly. She provided a listening ear and mutual anger over the situation.
I intentionally stayed out that night until I knew the kids would be asleep. I never heard from Larkin. My trip ended at the Shell gas station near our house. I sat in the parking lot for a long time, just thinking, analyzing, crying, you get the picture. I went home that night, but I don't remember what happened after that. I'm guessing I went straight to bed.
The next morning, I didn't want to get out of bed. I actually longed to be sick so that I would have an excuse to stay in bed. But life moves on. I had thought about going on the trip with a friend, my mom, Larkin's sister, but I just couldn't do it. I knew it would be terrible to be on a trip that I had planned specially for my husband. So the trip was cancelled.
The next weekend, our friends had invited us over for a dinner party. I was looking forward to doing something "normal" as a couple. Somehow, I was still trying to show support for Larkin, trying to show him that I would do anything to recognize how he felt about the last five years and help him move forward. I remember that Saturday being a particularly good day. Springtime was here and we spent a lot of time outside playing with the boys. Mom came over that afternoon to get the kids so that Larkin and I could get ready for the party. I remember heading upstairs to get dressed, but Larkin didn't follow behind. After some time went by, I went downstairs to make sure everything was okay, but I didn't see him. I headed toward our garage and the two of us practically ran into each other, as he was coming in at the same time. Larkin had his phone in his hand, and glanced up at me as if he'd seen a ghost. The look on his face was odd, and for the first time, I felt like he was hiding something from me. We both proceeded back upstairs and Larkin jumped in the shower after laying clothes on the vanity. I brushed my hand over the clothes and felt his phone underneath. I had guilt over what I was about to do, but I was hoping to find that my thoughts had gotten the best of me and that I wouldn't find anything out of the ordinary on his phone. I entered the code and went to his text history. There it was, staring me in the face. Text messages and photos between my husband and another woman.
There I was shaking, sweating, wanting to vomit.
Remember one of the 3 questions that David first asked us: are either of you cheating. We were both quick to say no. There were very few people who knew that Larkin and I were going through a dark time in our marriage, but a few of them asked if I thought Larkin was seeing someone. I was always quick to defend him, "Larkin would never do that". But there was the evidence, staring me in the face.
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