My new friend Lexi
If I'm going to write, I might as well be honest, right?
After our first son, Miller (now 7) was born, things go real tough. Not like the normal "I don't sleep, all night feedings, etc." I mean, life kinda sucked for me. There I said it. I love my children more than anything in the world, but damn. It took me forever to "find myself" after he was born. And believe me, that was a long process. My OB doctor took a sabbatical immediately after Miller was born, so the person that had guided me through my journey was suddenly MIA. Larkin was super supportive and so were our friends and family. But one morning, I realized that I needed help. So, I took it upon myself to find a counselor and started weekly visits. I can't remember exactly how long I attended, but when I stopped, I felt 100% better and I was so relieved.
In August after Miller was born, Larkin and I made the decision to move to Albertville, my hometown. Miller was 10 months old at the time. It was a big decision, but once we made up our minds, things just sort of fell into place. It wasn't always easy, but we were patient during the transition, and it was obvious to me that God sort of paved a way for us - new jobs, ability to stay with my family for a year, a renter for our house in Georgia (this was in the middle of the recession), and a nice affordable "fixer upper" that we eventually bought in Albertville. It wasn't all smiles and giggles - my old neighbor called and told me that our renters were smoking pot in the driveway, they paid rent late, and eventually left owing us a couple thousand dollars. The housing market was so terrible that we eventually decided to short-sale our house. That process took a year. A VERY LONG year. But we survived!
We were happy. Larkin took a much less stressful job, doing something he loved. I was getting used to the culture shock of my new HR job at the local chicken plant, and Miller was a happy kid.
Fast forward 4 1/2 years:
We welcomed our 2nd child, Walker. I was terrified of reliving the events that took place after Miller was born. But this time around was SO much better. We were a happy family of 4. We had finished the "flip" on the house that we purchased in 2011 and decided to put it on the market. It sold immediately. We found our new house - in a great neighborhood, close to grandparents, fenced in yard, plenty of space. We loved it!
But something was going on with me again. I found myself with a very short fuse - the smallest issue was a crisis for me. I mean, unfolded laundry, dirty dishes in the sink, you get the picture. I was like a ticking time bomb on the brink of a meltdown. Once again, I got the courage to call for help. My mom referred me to her physician. I picked up the phone to call for an appointment. The lady on the other end of the line told me that the doctor was not taking new patients. Total meltdown. I cried and cried over this. I eventually found a way to get in to see the doctor and had an appointment with her on December 8th. I went into the exam room and told her my symptoms, but I was a hot mess while telling her. Crying like a crazy person. She immediately told me that she was glad that I came in and that something definitely needed to change. Introducing my new friend Lexi (Lexapro). Woah. After 3 or 4 days, I was like a different person. My anxiety level decreased a million times over. Who gives a damn about dirty dishes and unfolded laundry. Score one for me and Lexi!!
Several days after that, I approached Larkin and told him how much better I felt. I told him that I was sorry that I had been a difficult to live with. He accepted my apology and told me he was so glad that I felt better.
Note the day that I went to the doctor (December 8th) and the date of my conversation with Larkin on the previous post, and the date of my trip with Mel (New Year's).
I returned from my New Year's getaway and sat down with Larkin as quick as I could - after the kids went to bed one night. I asked him if we could talk about what was going on between us. That's when he told me "I've been miserable for the last 5 years".
After our first son, Miller (now 7) was born, things go real tough. Not like the normal "I don't sleep, all night feedings, etc." I mean, life kinda sucked for me. There I said it. I love my children more than anything in the world, but damn. It took me forever to "find myself" after he was born. And believe me, that was a long process. My OB doctor took a sabbatical immediately after Miller was born, so the person that had guided me through my journey was suddenly MIA. Larkin was super supportive and so were our friends and family. But one morning, I realized that I needed help. So, I took it upon myself to find a counselor and started weekly visits. I can't remember exactly how long I attended, but when I stopped, I felt 100% better and I was so relieved.
In August after Miller was born, Larkin and I made the decision to move to Albertville, my hometown. Miller was 10 months old at the time. It was a big decision, but once we made up our minds, things just sort of fell into place. It wasn't always easy, but we were patient during the transition, and it was obvious to me that God sort of paved a way for us - new jobs, ability to stay with my family for a year, a renter for our house in Georgia (this was in the middle of the recession), and a nice affordable "fixer upper" that we eventually bought in Albertville. It wasn't all smiles and giggles - my old neighbor called and told me that our renters were smoking pot in the driveway, they paid rent late, and eventually left owing us a couple thousand dollars. The housing market was so terrible that we eventually decided to short-sale our house. That process took a year. A VERY LONG year. But we survived!
We were happy. Larkin took a much less stressful job, doing something he loved. I was getting used to the culture shock of my new HR job at the local chicken plant, and Miller was a happy kid.
Fast forward 4 1/2 years:
We welcomed our 2nd child, Walker. I was terrified of reliving the events that took place after Miller was born. But this time around was SO much better. We were a happy family of 4. We had finished the "flip" on the house that we purchased in 2011 and decided to put it on the market. It sold immediately. We found our new house - in a great neighborhood, close to grandparents, fenced in yard, plenty of space. We loved it!
But something was going on with me again. I found myself with a very short fuse - the smallest issue was a crisis for me. I mean, unfolded laundry, dirty dishes in the sink, you get the picture. I was like a ticking time bomb on the brink of a meltdown. Once again, I got the courage to call for help. My mom referred me to her physician. I picked up the phone to call for an appointment. The lady on the other end of the line told me that the doctor was not taking new patients. Total meltdown. I cried and cried over this. I eventually found a way to get in to see the doctor and had an appointment with her on December 8th. I went into the exam room and told her my symptoms, but I was a hot mess while telling her. Crying like a crazy person. She immediately told me that she was glad that I came in and that something definitely needed to change. Introducing my new friend Lexi (Lexapro). Woah. After 3 or 4 days, I was like a different person. My anxiety level decreased a million times over. Who gives a damn about dirty dishes and unfolded laundry. Score one for me and Lexi!!
Several days after that, I approached Larkin and told him how much better I felt. I told him that I was sorry that I had been a difficult to live with. He accepted my apology and told me he was so glad that I felt better.
Note the day that I went to the doctor (December 8th) and the date of my conversation with Larkin on the previous post, and the date of my trip with Mel (New Year's).
I returned from my New Year's getaway and sat down with Larkin as quick as I could - after the kids went to bed one night. I asked him if we could talk about what was going on between us. That's when he told me "I've been miserable for the last 5 years".
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