One step foward, a million steps back
So, here's what my new life looked like - every waking moment I was thinking about my marriage. I still wondered where I went wrong. What used to be everyday life was a constant struggle. My work suffered, my relationship with my kids suffered, and even my relationship with my family and closest friends was tense.
During the session with David where Larkin came forward about his affair, David warned me to be careful about who I confided in, regarding my discovery of the affair. At first, I didn't understand his advice, but when he further explained, it became clear. David and his wife are the product of a marriage that survived infidelity. David was honest and open about that with us from day one. He could relate in real life what Larkin and I were going through. He explained to me that he told several people about how much he hated his wife, what a terrible person she was (both had cheated), but when they ultimately healed from their affairs, the people that he had confided in were never able to forgive and move on, as he and his wife did.
At this point, mom, Wade, Allison, Harriet, Courtney and Melody were the only people who knew what Larkin had done. I never was able to bring myself to tell Bruce. He and Larkin had an extremely close relationship. As a matter of fact, they were best buddies. I was afraid to tell Bruce about it, for fear of his reaction toward someone who was a friend.
Larkin and I continued to see David at least bi-weekly, if not weekly. The sessions were tough, but at the end of each one, I felt revived, that I could continue another week. Larkin wrote the letter to me, as David requested. He answered all of the questions that I had about "Ricardo", and he had cut her off completely - blocked her number, blocked her from social media, you get the picture. Day after day, the wounds started to heal. It wasn't easy, by any stretch of the imagination, but we seemed to be on the mend. Larkin was opening up a little more, planning weekend getaways for the two of us, and he seemed happy, in general. We were off to a fresh start.
Fast forward to June. We took a big step and decided to buy a camper. It became our new "thing" and it was really awesome. Never in a million years did I think I would own a camper, but it ended up being wonderful. We took several trips during the summer months, mostly to local places so that we could become "experts" in our new found hobby. We discussed bigger plans for the future about where we would venture off to. We were excited. The boys loved it. The time we spent together was priceless. Our friends Anna and Jeremy jumped in on the "camping" wagon with us and we usually went on trips with them. We all decided to make big plans for the fall by renting a seasonal lot in Auburn for football season. I was the lone Bama fan of the group, but that didn't matter to me. The thought of weekend-long tailgates with our friends and family sounded wonderful, so we made it happen. Larkin and I took the camper down one weekend and set up for the season. Our first weekend-long tailgate was on Labor Day weekend. We were excited to head out to Auburn on Friday after work for a three day weekend. Anna and family were there too, and Larkin's family joined us for the tailgate on Saturday before the game. I got to a point where I was memorizing the football schedule so that I would know when we would be back in Auburn (shocker). But it was like a mini-vacation for us and was something that we all looked forward to.
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Now, I had to fast forward a bit, but now will have go to backward about a month. It was August - a very busy time of year. School was starting and we were getting settled into our new routine with a first grader. Appointments with David were still going strong. I remember talking with him a lot about trust and how to regain it. David emphasized that there was not any one thing that would suddenly help me regain trust, but it would be developed over time. I felt like I was headed in that direction, slowly but surely. David told me that it would take at least a year to heal, but if we were able to move forward as a married couple, then we'd be stronger that ever and that we'd be amazed at our recovery.
In late August, Mom had scheduled a family reunion for my Granny's side of the family. (I know this seems like a weird story transition, but stay with me.) Several weeks prior, Larkin had told me that he wanted to plan a Saturday trip with his friend Jeff to go mountain biking in Birmingham. Larkin had been an avid biker for years, but more recently, it had become a thing of the past. Biking seemed to make him happy, so I would ask him every now and then if he'd like to pick the hobby up again. I was happy for him to take the trip. This particular adventure was scheduled for the same weekend as the family reunion. I was a bit bummed that Larkin wouldn't be at the event with me and the boys, but at the same time, was happy for him to get involved in biking again. In the days leading up to his biking weekend, things started getting "strange" again. I really can't explain it. My gut started telling me that something was "off".
On the night of August 24th, (I know this date because of evidence from my phone) Larkin was putting Miller to bed. He had left his phone laying on our mantle. I picked it up and tried the code. It worked. I went to the text message history. Nothing from "Ricardo". Whew. But there was a recent thread from Larkin's friend Jeff. The first thing I saw was "Hey any feed back from Reagan?" This couldn't be true.
I continued to read. Basically, the "biking trip" to Birmingham was an excuse to get together with Reagan. I put the phone down and left the house.
During the session with David where Larkin came forward about his affair, David warned me to be careful about who I confided in, regarding my discovery of the affair. At first, I didn't understand his advice, but when he further explained, it became clear. David and his wife are the product of a marriage that survived infidelity. David was honest and open about that with us from day one. He could relate in real life what Larkin and I were going through. He explained to me that he told several people about how much he hated his wife, what a terrible person she was (both had cheated), but when they ultimately healed from their affairs, the people that he had confided in were never able to forgive and move on, as he and his wife did.
At this point, mom, Wade, Allison, Harriet, Courtney and Melody were the only people who knew what Larkin had done. I never was able to bring myself to tell Bruce. He and Larkin had an extremely close relationship. As a matter of fact, they were best buddies. I was afraid to tell Bruce about it, for fear of his reaction toward someone who was a friend.
Larkin and I continued to see David at least bi-weekly, if not weekly. The sessions were tough, but at the end of each one, I felt revived, that I could continue another week. Larkin wrote the letter to me, as David requested. He answered all of the questions that I had about "Ricardo", and he had cut her off completely - blocked her number, blocked her from social media, you get the picture. Day after day, the wounds started to heal. It wasn't easy, by any stretch of the imagination, but we seemed to be on the mend. Larkin was opening up a little more, planning weekend getaways for the two of us, and he seemed happy, in general. We were off to a fresh start.
Fast forward to June. We took a big step and decided to buy a camper. It became our new "thing" and it was really awesome. Never in a million years did I think I would own a camper, but it ended up being wonderful. We took several trips during the summer months, mostly to local places so that we could become "experts" in our new found hobby. We discussed bigger plans for the future about where we would venture off to. We were excited. The boys loved it. The time we spent together was priceless. Our friends Anna and Jeremy jumped in on the "camping" wagon with us and we usually went on trips with them. We all decided to make big plans for the fall by renting a seasonal lot in Auburn for football season. I was the lone Bama fan of the group, but that didn't matter to me. The thought of weekend-long tailgates with our friends and family sounded wonderful, so we made it happen. Larkin and I took the camper down one weekend and set up for the season. Our first weekend-long tailgate was on Labor Day weekend. We were excited to head out to Auburn on Friday after work for a three day weekend. Anna and family were there too, and Larkin's family joined us for the tailgate on Saturday before the game. I got to a point where I was memorizing the football schedule so that I would know when we would be back in Auburn (shocker). But it was like a mini-vacation for us and was something that we all looked forward to.
_________________________________________________________________________________
Now, I had to fast forward a bit, but now will have go to backward about a month. It was August - a very busy time of year. School was starting and we were getting settled into our new routine with a first grader. Appointments with David were still going strong. I remember talking with him a lot about trust and how to regain it. David emphasized that there was not any one thing that would suddenly help me regain trust, but it would be developed over time. I felt like I was headed in that direction, slowly but surely. David told me that it would take at least a year to heal, but if we were able to move forward as a married couple, then we'd be stronger that ever and that we'd be amazed at our recovery.
In late August, Mom had scheduled a family reunion for my Granny's side of the family. (I know this seems like a weird story transition, but stay with me.) Several weeks prior, Larkin had told me that he wanted to plan a Saturday trip with his friend Jeff to go mountain biking in Birmingham. Larkin had been an avid biker for years, but more recently, it had become a thing of the past. Biking seemed to make him happy, so I would ask him every now and then if he'd like to pick the hobby up again. I was happy for him to take the trip. This particular adventure was scheduled for the same weekend as the family reunion. I was a bit bummed that Larkin wouldn't be at the event with me and the boys, but at the same time, was happy for him to get involved in biking again. In the days leading up to his biking weekend, things started getting "strange" again. I really can't explain it. My gut started telling me that something was "off".
On the night of August 24th, (I know this date because of evidence from my phone) Larkin was putting Miller to bed. He had left his phone laying on our mantle. I picked it up and tried the code. It worked. I went to the text message history. Nothing from "Ricardo". Whew. But there was a recent thread from Larkin's friend Jeff. The first thing I saw was "Hey any feed back from Reagan?" This couldn't be true.
I continued to read. Basically, the "biking trip" to Birmingham was an excuse to get together with Reagan. I put the phone down and left the house.
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