Ricardo
When I decided to start my blog, I just went for it. I told a few people about it, mostly the people close to me that knew a little bit about what was going on. But like I mentioned in an earlier post, I wanted to use it as a way to recover from all that has gone on. It's a little strange, though, because when you blog, you can see how many times a post has been read. I've been surprised at the number of reads, but it a good way. I guess word is spreading. I'd love to hear what you think about it, though. Feel free to leave a comment, questions, or whatever. Maybe there's a way to do that anonymously??
Anyway - picking up were we left off..
Some of you may know exactly why I named the blog Recognizing Ricardo, but some may not. When I looked at Larkin's phone that afternoon, the first thing that caught my eye was a photo. I'll just leave it at that. The second was the name of the person who sent it. "Ricardo."
I don't know why, but immediately after discovering the texts, I ran downstairs to get my phone and I started taking photos of the text thread. I guess I was thinking "keep the evidence", to be honest. I went back upstairs and laid the phone down. I was shaking, panicking, feeling that knot in my throat, but at the same time trying to make myself calm. Before I knew it, Larkin was out of the shower. I somehow pulled myself together enough to say "who is she". He played it off, acting like he didn't know what I was talking about. I explained that I saw the text thread in his phone. You can probably imagine how that conversation went, but here's what I found out: Her name is Reagan. She and Larkin dated in college. She has two daughters, was going through a divorce at the time and was living in West Virginia. Other claims included that they hadn't actually seen each other since the "relationship" started and that it had only been going on about a month. I still don't believe the last two. When I asked why the name was saved as Ricardo, (I knew it was an effort to hide her) Larkin responded, "I knew it would raise too many questions if you saw that I was getting calls and texts from a girl". Ya think?!?!
Larkin continued to get ready for the dinner party. I went downstairs to gather up the food that we were contributing, walked back upstairs and said, "I don't know what you're going to do tonight, but you are sure as hell not going with me." And I left.
I immediately called Melody, who was hosting the get together, and told her what was going on. I was surprisingly calm. I wanted to give her a heads up as to why Larkin wouldn't be there, and together, we decided to tell everyone that Larkin was on-call for the weekend and had to report in to work (which actually happens sometimes).
Some of you may be wondering how I was able to even go to the party. It just happened. But looking back on it, I think I was somewhat relieved that the things that Larkin told me over the last couple of months about how he didn't have a voice, how he felt unimportant, and how he knit-picked at the smallest little details, were just a way to cover up what was really going on between he and Reagan. A way to make it my fault.
I left the party that night and headed home. When I pulled up, Larkin's car was gone. Mom was there waiting - she had brought the boys back home and put them to bed. When I walked into the kitchen, we were chatting, but she couldn't see me from where she was. She asked if I was alone and wondered where Larkin was. "I don't know", I responded. And then I lost it. I told her what I had discovered earlier that evening, and then she lost it too.
Larkin came home that night, which surprised me. I was already in bed, and he actually got in bed too. I didn't even have the energy to tell him to get out. The next morning, I got up and ready for church, and got the boys dressed too. Larkin got ready and while the boys were occupied, I looked at Larkin and told him that there was NO way I would be sitting next to him in church that day and that I didn't want to be anywhere near him. I had decided to take the boys to the zoo that afternoon, just to get away. I told him my plans and the boys and I left.
Anyway - picking up were we left off..
Some of you may know exactly why I named the blog Recognizing Ricardo, but some may not. When I looked at Larkin's phone that afternoon, the first thing that caught my eye was a photo. I'll just leave it at that. The second was the name of the person who sent it. "Ricardo."
I don't know why, but immediately after discovering the texts, I ran downstairs to get my phone and I started taking photos of the text thread. I guess I was thinking "keep the evidence", to be honest. I went back upstairs and laid the phone down. I was shaking, panicking, feeling that knot in my throat, but at the same time trying to make myself calm. Before I knew it, Larkin was out of the shower. I somehow pulled myself together enough to say "who is she". He played it off, acting like he didn't know what I was talking about. I explained that I saw the text thread in his phone. You can probably imagine how that conversation went, but here's what I found out: Her name is Reagan. She and Larkin dated in college. She has two daughters, was going through a divorce at the time and was living in West Virginia. Other claims included that they hadn't actually seen each other since the "relationship" started and that it had only been going on about a month. I still don't believe the last two. When I asked why the name was saved as Ricardo, (I knew it was an effort to hide her) Larkin responded, "I knew it would raise too many questions if you saw that I was getting calls and texts from a girl". Ya think?!?!
Larkin continued to get ready for the dinner party. I went downstairs to gather up the food that we were contributing, walked back upstairs and said, "I don't know what you're going to do tonight, but you are sure as hell not going with me." And I left.
I immediately called Melody, who was hosting the get together, and told her what was going on. I was surprisingly calm. I wanted to give her a heads up as to why Larkin wouldn't be there, and together, we decided to tell everyone that Larkin was on-call for the weekend and had to report in to work (which actually happens sometimes).
Some of you may be wondering how I was able to even go to the party. It just happened. But looking back on it, I think I was somewhat relieved that the things that Larkin told me over the last couple of months about how he didn't have a voice, how he felt unimportant, and how he knit-picked at the smallest little details, were just a way to cover up what was really going on between he and Reagan. A way to make it my fault.
I left the party that night and headed home. When I pulled up, Larkin's car was gone. Mom was there waiting - she had brought the boys back home and put them to bed. When I walked into the kitchen, we were chatting, but she couldn't see me from where she was. She asked if I was alone and wondered where Larkin was. "I don't know", I responded. And then I lost it. I told her what I had discovered earlier that evening, and then she lost it too.
Larkin came home that night, which surprised me. I was already in bed, and he actually got in bed too. I didn't even have the energy to tell him to get out. The next morning, I got up and ready for church, and got the boys dressed too. Larkin got ready and while the boys were occupied, I looked at Larkin and told him that there was NO way I would be sitting next to him in church that day and that I didn't want to be anywhere near him. I had decided to take the boys to the zoo that afternoon, just to get away. I told him my plans and the boys and I left.
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