The sun will rise and we will try again
We had a fun day at the zoo. One of my nieces joined us. The kids had a great time. But, of course, all I was thinking about was "Ricardo". Before leaving Birmingham that day, I dropped my niece off at her house and said a quick goodbye to my family. Wade asked me how I was doing (he knew that Larkin and I were in counseling, but didn't know many details) and I just lost it. I told him that I just couldn't talk about it and I got in the car and left. I felt terrible about not being able to talk to him about it, because I knew that he would provide as much support as possible.
When we got home that evening, Larkin wasn't there. I started the normal bedtime routine with the kids and Larkin came home sometime during all of that. After the kids were asleep, Larkin and I met up downstairs in the den. I asked him a million questions about "Ricardo". I asked him how he could do this to our family, if he wanted the kids to have a stepmom, possibly a stepdad, and if he realized that this would lead to negotiations as to who would have the kids on holidays. I tried as hard as I could to paint a picture of what life would look like if we were no longer married. Then I asked him to get out of the house. He refused to leave and thought that I was being unreasonable. He moved into the guest bedroom that night.
I called Wade that night later that night. I just couldn't leave him hanging, not knowing what was going on as I left his house crying earlier that day. When I told him about "Ricardo", he cried with me. It was terrible. Wade, like my mom, told me to leave, that Larkin had made a choice and I couldn't stick around in a marriage where the trust had been broken, and I was "second" to another woman.We talked about Miller and how I couldn't imagine telling him that Larkin and I would no longer be married. I told Wade that I would need him to be there for Miller, and of course, he said he would do anything in the world to help him get through this terrible time. Not only had Larkin jeopardized our marriage, he had pushed away a family that loved him and would do anything for him.
It just so happened that we had a session with David scheduled for the very next day (Monday). That appointment couldn't come soon enough for me.
When we walked into David's office and sat down, he immediately knew that something had changed. He asked what was going on, and Larkin responded "I'm a liar". He told David the story, and talked about how sorry he was to have done this to me and the boys. He talked about how he heard me crying and crying in my bedroom at night and how it tore him apart. David asked him to write a letter to me, explaining to me how he felt, what led him to the point of confiding in another woman, and how it made him feel to know that I was devastated. He also told me that I could ask Larkin as many questions that I wanted over the next few weeks and that he had to be receptive to them and respond to each of them. Lastly, David asked if I thought we could recover from this and I told him that I didn't know at that point.
That week was terrible for me. I was back to a point where I struggled to get out of bed in the mornings. I couldn't make sense of anything. I found myself googling things like "recovering from an affair", "custody laws for divorce due to infidelity", "my husband's affair". Anything that would provide advice. I came across a quote: "The sun will rise and we will try again". That was my new mantra. Thinking of those words helped motivate me to get out of bed everyday and try again, and were a reminder that I had survived the day before, which sometimes felt impossible.
When we got home that evening, Larkin wasn't there. I started the normal bedtime routine with the kids and Larkin came home sometime during all of that. After the kids were asleep, Larkin and I met up downstairs in the den. I asked him a million questions about "Ricardo". I asked him how he could do this to our family, if he wanted the kids to have a stepmom, possibly a stepdad, and if he realized that this would lead to negotiations as to who would have the kids on holidays. I tried as hard as I could to paint a picture of what life would look like if we were no longer married. Then I asked him to get out of the house. He refused to leave and thought that I was being unreasonable. He moved into the guest bedroom that night.
I called Wade that night later that night. I just couldn't leave him hanging, not knowing what was going on as I left his house crying earlier that day. When I told him about "Ricardo", he cried with me. It was terrible. Wade, like my mom, told me to leave, that Larkin had made a choice and I couldn't stick around in a marriage where the trust had been broken, and I was "second" to another woman.We talked about Miller and how I couldn't imagine telling him that Larkin and I would no longer be married. I told Wade that I would need him to be there for Miller, and of course, he said he would do anything in the world to help him get through this terrible time. Not only had Larkin jeopardized our marriage, he had pushed away a family that loved him and would do anything for him.
It just so happened that we had a session with David scheduled for the very next day (Monday). That appointment couldn't come soon enough for me.
When we walked into David's office and sat down, he immediately knew that something had changed. He asked what was going on, and Larkin responded "I'm a liar". He told David the story, and talked about how sorry he was to have done this to me and the boys. He talked about how he heard me crying and crying in my bedroom at night and how it tore him apart. David asked him to write a letter to me, explaining to me how he felt, what led him to the point of confiding in another woman, and how it made him feel to know that I was devastated. He also told me that I could ask Larkin as many questions that I wanted over the next few weeks and that he had to be receptive to them and respond to each of them. Lastly, David asked if I thought we could recover from this and I told him that I didn't know at that point.
That week was terrible for me. I was back to a point where I struggled to get out of bed in the mornings. I couldn't make sense of anything. I found myself googling things like "recovering from an affair", "custody laws for divorce due to infidelity", "my husband's affair". Anything that would provide advice. I came across a quote: "The sun will rise and we will try again". That was my new mantra. Thinking of those words helped motivate me to get out of bed everyday and try again, and were a reminder that I had survived the day before, which sometimes felt impossible.
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