Can we go to Ruby's?

As I mentioned in a previous post, there were a handful of people who knew the struggles that Larkin and I had been through.  But, there were still so many who had no idea.

Backing up a bit from the last post - between the "Fidget Spinner Incident" and the day of the signatures, I tried to open up to those who didn't know.  I called Wade.  He initially knew of our troubles, but I had kept my distance from him for the last few months, because I was holding out hope that things would improve.  He would check on me through a text or a quick phone call every now and then, which I appreciated so much.  But I cringed every time I responded that things were okay when they weren't.  I called him one day and told him about my decision.  He was so supportive and still is.

I wanted to tell my aunts and cousins next, so I tried to find a time where we would all be together and could talk.  Finally, after realizing that the opportunity wasn't just going to fall into my lap, I sent a text to Millie, Beth & Katy and told them that I needed to have a "pow wow" with them one afternoon after work.  (Hannah had to find out via text since she doesn't live nearby.) They all agreed and we met up at Mom and Bruce's.  When I say that they had no clue why I asked to talk with them, I mean it 100%.  I wasn't able to make small talk with them, so I just cut to the chase.  "Larkin and I are getting a divorce."  Silence followed by tears and questions.  They were so supportive and still are.  They wanted to help fix things, which I've realized has been a natural reaction by so many.  That's another reason why I wanted to start the blog.  I figured that by sharing the details with my "circle", everyone would have time to digest the details of the last year on their own time, and get the full idea of what we had been through. 

The thing about any divorce, I suppose, is the impact that it has on so many people.  In our case, it was pretty much my entire family.  Bruce, Wade & Larkin had always been so close.  There was a connection from day one.  They had a special bond.  Mom and Larkin were buddies.  They had a fun sense of humor between them, always kidding around together.  Millie and Beth loved Larkin as their own.  From Millie's jokes about the "nude beaches in Sprott" - an inside joke that was born in the very early stages of my relationship with Larkin, to Beth and Larkin's mutual love of Auburn (which was also shared by Katy).  I think everyone has and is processing these events in their own way.  But, unfortunately, none of them have had closure with Larkin (that I know of).  I hope that an opportunity presents its self one day. 

Next were my college friends.  They are the type of girls who I can go 6 months without talking to, but when we reconnect, it's as if we haven't missed a beat.  They were just as shocked and have been so supportive. 

Then came my co-workers.  Again, so supportive.  They had a feeling that something was going on because I hadn't been myself for quite some time.  One of them even told me that she had had a dream that I had gotten a divorce.

Finally, Miller.  You may think it's odd that I would have told all of these other people before we told Miller.  I had read a lot of articles about discussing divorce with children of his age.  Most stated that children should be told and given a specific date of when one parent would no longer live in the house with the other, they shouldn't be told during the middle of a school week or other big event.  It took some time to establish that date.  Another reason for me to tell others first was so that all of these people, my circle, could keep the boys in their prayers.

November 3rd.  That was the date that we settled on.  There was a lot of anger between me and Larkin on that day.  He told me that afternoon that he wanted to delay.  I just couldn't do it.  I didn't have the strength left in me to keep living this fake life in front of Miller.  After a lot of arguing, Larkin agreed to move forward with our original plan.  Millie had picked Miller up from school that day.  I went to her house to get him after work.  On the way there, I called Harriet to let her know our plan.  She was so, so supportive and told me just what I needed to hear. Miller wanted to hang around at Millie's (as always), so I let him.  Selfishly, I wanted to soak up the moment.  These were the final moments before his little heart would be broken.  Finally, we headed home.  I had gotten a text from Beth.  She had asked for me and Larkin to pray before we told Miller.  Turns out, she had sent the same text to Larkin.  So we did that.  I don't mind saying that it felt strange.  Asking God to surround us as we explained divorce to kids.  But we did, and I'm glad that we did. 

We sat Miller down on the couch (Walker was there too, but had no understanding of what was happening).  Larkin told Miller.  I held Miller's hand so tight.  It was devastating.  I don't really have it in me to go into any more detail. 

But, God was there.  He gave Larkin and I the strength to make it through that conversation and talk to Miller in the best way possible.  At the end of the conversation and after a lot of tears and questions from Miller, he wiped his eyes and said "can we go eat at Ruby's", which was our typical Friday night event.  Wow.  I've always thought that God has a great sense of humor and I felt that it was definitely on display in a moment where I would have never expected it. Through Miller's words, it was God telling me that life would go on.  So that's what we did.  We had dinner at Ruby's.