Recognizing Ricardo

I was speechless.  Larkin was very quick to respond that Miller's statement was false.  He said that they were with an old football buddy and his wife and that he had given the wife a hug.  He said that he didn't know why Miller would be saying anything different.  The subject was dropped, there were a lot of people around and Harriet and crew were packing their things getting ready to leave. Before I knew it, we were headed to bed.  But Larkin made one last effort to clarify what had happened.  He asked me to come to him, where he was talking to Miller.  He kissed me and said "Miller, what was that?"  "A kiss," Miller said.  Then Larkin gave me a hug and asked Miller the same question and Miller responded "a hug". Larkin said "what did daddy do to his friend?"  "Gave her a hug," Miller responded.  I'll never truly know what happened that night.  But I don't need to.  All I know is that kids are brutally honest. ...

Life around us continued.  I was listening to David's advice, and I even told Larkin that I wouldn't try to stop his relationship with Reagan.  I also told him that each and every time he was talking, texting or seeing her, he was destroying our family and tearing us apart.  I tried to paint a picture of what life would be like if we were no longer married: shared custody, missing out on birthdays, holidays, major coordination efforts to ensure that each of us knew what was going on with the kid's schedules, two houses, confusion for the kids, and possibly life-long psychological issues for them.  I asked him if he had ever considered that if he ended up with Reagan, that I may end up with someone else too.  Did he really want our boys to have another "father" in their lives?  I tried to be as blunt as possible and I reminded Larkin that I had been willing to forgive in the past, but that I couldn't continue like this.  I told him that if he wanted a d...

When I left the house that night, I called Larkin's sister Courtney.  She knew a lot of the details about what was going on, and initially during our issues, Larkin had confided a lot in her.  She took a trip up to visit us several months earlier and had become a great support system for me.  The thing about Courtney is, she's honest.  When you have a conversation with her, you never wonder what she's really thinking, she will lay it all out there for you - which is a wonderful quality.  Because she knew the details of our troubles, she had been an open book with Larkin.  She told him how crazy his actions were and reminded him of what the outcome would be if he didn't change his ways.  So, I called her that night because she knew, at this point, more than anyone.  And I was still trying to go by David's advice of being cautious about who I shared details with. I drove and drove while talking to Courtney.  We cried together. She was ju...

So, here's what my new life looked like - every waking moment I was thinking about my marriage.  I still wondered where I went wrong.  What used to be everyday life was a constant struggle. My work suffered, my relationship with my kids suffered, and even my relationship with my family and closest friends was tense.  During the session with David where Larkin came forward about his affair, David warned me to be careful about who I confided in, regarding my discovery of the affair.  At first, I didn't understand his advice, but when he further explained, it became clear.  David and his wife are the product of a marriage that survived infidelity.  David was honest and open about that with us from day one.  He could relate in real life what Larkin and I were going through.  He explained to me that he told several people about how much he hated his wife, what a terrible person she was (both had cheated), but when they ultimately ...

We had a fun day at the zoo.  One of my nieces joined us.  The kids had a great time.  But, of course, all I was thinking about was "Ricardo".  Before leaving Birmingham that day, I dropped my niece off at her house and said a quick goodbye to my family.  Wade asked me how I was doing (he knew that Larkin and I were in counseling, but didn't know many details) and I just lost it.  I told him that I just couldn't talk about it and I got in the car and left.  I felt terrible about not being able to talk to him about it, because I knew that he would provide as much support as possible.  When we got home that evening, Larkin wasn't there.  I started the normal bedtime routine with the kids and Larkin came home sometime during all of that.  After the kids were asleep, Larkin and I met up downstairs in the den.  I asked him a million questions about "Ricardo".  I asked him how he could do this to our family, if he wanted the kids t...

When I decided to start my blog, I just went for it.  I told a few people about it, mostly the people close to me that knew a little bit about what was going on.  But like I mentioned in an earlier post, I wanted to use it as a way to recover from all that has gone on.  It's a little strange, though, because when you blog, you can see how many times a post has been read.  I've been surprised at the number of reads, but it a good way. I guess word is spreading.  I'd love to hear what you think about it, though.  Feel free to leave a comment, questions, or whatever.  Maybe there's a way to do that anonymously?? Anyway - picking up were we left off.. Some of you may know exactly why I named the blog Recognizing Ricardo, but some may not.  When I looked at Larkin's phone that afternoon, the first thing that caught my eye was a photo.  I'll just leave it at that.  The second was the name of the person who sent it. "Ricardo."...

I was crushed.  I couldn't find words.  I just got up and walked out of David's office.  I remember getting into my car and screaming as loud as I could. And my steering wheel took a beating. I just sat in the parking lot, not knowing what to do. I called one of my closest friends.  One of the very few people who knew about the ordeal I was going through.  No answer.  I left the parking lot and headed north.  I didn't know where to go or what to do.  I just knew I couldn't go home.  I ended up driving to Huntsville that night.  I longed to be alone in my anger and sorrow, so I just drove and drove.  My friend returned my phone call during the drive.  Like I said, she knew what we were going through, and she knew my plans for Philly.  She provided a listening ear and mutual anger over the situation. I intentionally stayed out that night until I knew the kids would be asleep.  I never heard from Larkin. My trip...

I was so relieved to hear David's response.  And I agreed with him. I felt like we had hit a rough patch and our relationship needed a little TLC and we'd be good to go. We talked a lot with David.  Sometimes weekly, but at least biweekly appointments. I always felt re-energized after the sessions. David would let us air our frustrations and give advice on how to recognize and respond to one another.  One particular thing that he advised us on, was to take care of each other.  As parents, we get so bogged down with our kids.  For us, it was life with a 2 year old (enough said), and a 7 year old involved in sports, school and church activities, you get the picture.  I recognized that we had gotten into this routine of splitting up kid drop off in the mornings, going to work, home for dinner (and out to eat A LOT), bath time, and bed time. I found myself  heading in for a relaxing bath immediately after the boys were asleep, followed up...

What the hell.  Miserable for the last 5 years?!? I reminded Larkin of all the things that had happened within the last 5 years.  Major things to include buying a new house just 6 months before, and hello - having a 2nd child.  Who agrees to that if they are miserable?  I won't go in to any further details about that conversation, other than to say that I let Larkin know that I was sad (and pissed off) that he wouldn't have brought these issues up.  He responded by letting me know that through my post-partum issues, and anxiety, which had become increasingly intense over a few years, had led him to do things to make me happy, pushing his own feelings aside.  Leaving him without a "voice" in our marriage.  I'm the first to admit that I'm a pretty headstrong person.  And I don't mind saying that I was totally spoiled as a child.  I've talked to my parents about that and they always respond by saying, since Wade and I were such good k...

If I'm going to write, I might as well be honest, right? After our first son, Miller (now 7) was born, things go real tough.  Not like the normal "I don't sleep, all night feedings, etc."  I mean, life kinda sucked for me.  There I said it.  I love my children more than anything in the world, but damn.  It took me forever to "find myself" after he was born.  And believe me, that was a long process.  My OB doctor took a sabbatical immediately after Miller was born, so the person that had guided me through my journey was suddenly MIA.  Larkin was super supportive and so were our friends and family. But one morning, I realized that I needed help.  So, I took it upon myself to find a counselor and started weekly visits.  I can't remember exactly how long I attended, but when I stopped, I felt 100% better and I was so relieved. In August after Miller was born, Larkin and I made the decision to move to Albertville, my hometown.  Mille...

Me, writing a blog?  Nope.  I never would have guessed it.  I mean, I use social media - Facebook, Insta, LinkedIn and I try to use Snapchat, (I haven't even really figured out how to use it, but I try).  But through all of those outlets, you actually don't hear much from me.  I guess I try to filter most of what I think.  You'll see a lot of pics of my family - vacations, school dress up days, programs, you get the picture (no pun intended). It's funny how some will "air their dirty laundry" through social media.  And some are brave enough to say things that they would NEVER say to a person's face.  I haven't quite figured that one out yet.  And let's not even discuss the 2016 Presidential Election, or any politics for that matter. So anyway, like I said, blogging isn't something I ever considered.  Until recently.  I'm not an expert writer by any stretch of the imagination.  My sister in law has her...